cysts galore

Well, it's a "no go" this month. The ultrasound technician again told me that she would have been shocked if I didn't have cysts. They never expect someone who responds to these meds to be able to do 2 cycles in a row. I have more cysts than I had last time (because I had so many follicles) but they are smaller than the other one was.. hopefully the birth control pill will get rid of them completely!!

She said that I will always have cysts after I do a cycle of the shots and even when I get pg, I will have cysts, but they will go away on their own in time and they are not harmful... I just can't do more shots until they are gone; otherwise I would be in ALOT of pain and it would probably interfere with getting PG anyways.

Thanks so much for the comments to my last post. It really is an everyday thing that I need to work on and it will involve alot of prayer and meditation. I think I can do it though!

3:30 AM

I was woken up at 3:30 this morning to bad cramps and AF. Not a fun way to start out the day. But, I have a new attitude going into this cycle.

I want to give this to God, but how do I do that? It is so easy to say it, but how do I actually go about placing it in his hands?? Does it mean that I stop fertility treatments, stop tracking my cycle and just let it happen when it happens? I don't know what the answer is but if anyone has any ideas, please share.

I'll update later when I make the baseline appt. to make sure things are good to go for this cycle. Pray for no cysts!

Let God

A good friend of mine sent this to me in an email and it meant so much to me... Thanks Kelly!

Let God Run Wild
by Jon Walker
“… God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV)

As my six-year-old tried to open a package, I sat patiently waiting for him to ask me for help. It was one of those protective, hard plastic packages that some manufacturers use – you know, the kind that are nearly impossible to open short of using a small explosive. I knew my son wouldn’t be able to open the package on his own, but I make it a general rule never to grab things out of my son’s hands – like one child might disrespectfully snatch something away from another. Sure, I’m bigger than him, and I could’ve taken it out of his hands, but I wanted him to make his own choice about whether or when he would ask me for help.

It didn’t take long before he looked up at me, and I said, ‘Do you want me to help you?’ He said yes and handed me the package. I knew it would require more than my hands (or teeth) to open it, so I found some heavy scissors and squeezed hard to cut through the plastic.

Today, you may be holding a package in your hand, and wrapped in its hard plastic shell is something Jesus called the “abundant life.” You’re straining to get inside the package, using all the means and schemes you can think of to break through the abundant life.

God is patiently sitting next you you, waiting for you to abandon your independent attempts to create the abundant life, waiting for you to let him loose in your life, waiting for you to say, “I can’t, but, God, you can.” In that moment, God becomes your strength, “so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV)

What now? Let God run wild – Accept the powerful love of God in your life and allow his grace to run free in your life. Stop trying to open the package – Give the package to God and let him open the abundant life for you. Ask God to show you what package you’re struggling to open, and when he does, hand the package to him.

Trust God with your needs – God knows you need to open the package. What makes you think you have to open it on your own? Why do you believe that your efforts to open the package will produce a better life for you than if you allow God to open the package? (What is your behavior saying about your beliefs?)

Crayons

My 3rd photo class was last night. I did not like how my assignment turned out, but I went ahead and brought my photos in anyways. The teacher actually ended up liking them! haha


In other news, AF is not here "yet" but I know it is right around the corner. I also tested this morning and it was negative, so I am pretty sure I am not pg.

I can't believe it didn't work this time.. what went wrong?? I know the Lord is in control and I have to really watch my attitude towards this "struggle" that Jared and I are going through. It is so easy for me to become very bitter about it and I don't want to be a bitter person. I need to turn to God in these situations and he will help me.. Thanks for the prayers!

We only have a few more tries on the shots and IUI before the Dr. will suggest invitro. Jared and I are hesitant to go that route. If we don't get pg with the shots and IUI's, we'll probably give it a break for a while and then re-evaluate the invitro option. It's so scary to think about if this all fails..

Not good

I have pink in my CM and it feels like AF is starting
:( I thought for sure we would get pg this month.

The discomfort in my ovary area is gone though, so I am thinking I may not have any cysts this cycle. I do remember having some discomfort when I had the cyst last time.

I will be calling my nurse this morning to have her fill my prescription for Follistim again. Maybe cycle #2 will be the charm! Prayerfully and faithfully, it will be.

Wedding shower

The shower for Lesley went great last night. It was a really fun time. The pictures are ok.. I don't know how to shoot very well in low light, so I had to delete a bunch of them.. I will post some of the "ok" ones though.

She had a trial run on her hair.. this is what her hair will look like on her wedding day:

Testing day will be sometime this next week.. honestly though, I'm not feeling it this time either. Only time will tell.

Getting closer..

to knowing! Little less than a week now. I feel pregnant, but I was warned that these meds cause pg symptoms, so I can't count them as real. And the bloating is also caused by meds, although that is getting better.

I don't have too much going on right now, so nothing really to update. My friend Lesley's wedding shower is tomorrow so I need to run some more errands from that. I was asked to be the designated photographer as well, so I will have some pics to share.

My photo class went well on Tuesday. I think the teacher liked my photos, but there are more students in this class than he is used to (14) so he can't critique as much in detail as he would like. My next assignment is a little tougher. He wants 4 pictures of the same scene, but he wants me to adjust the aperature and zooms on it. I will post pics, once I finish it up.

Pregnant?

Let me start off by saying THANK YOU! to all that posted about my assignment pictures. It looks like you all agreed on most of them, so it definately helped me narrow them down.

So, the reason for my title of this post is because I seriously look (and feel) like I am about 10 weeks pg right now and I'm sure it all has to do with the meds. My ovaries feel very overworked and overstimulated and I am bloated. It has gotten better each day, but the nurse says I can't do anything to "jostle" myself. No bike or horseback riding. Only walking or swimming for exercise.

I am being totally honest when I say I am not sticking out my tummy in these pics, I am being as relaxed as possible. Just ask my mom as she was over at my house tonight and brought me my new shirt (which I am wearing. Thanks Mom!!) I've even posted a pic of when I was pg with Abby for comparison:

Me today:

Abby pregnancy pictures:

13 weeks

10 weeks

After looking at my early pregnancy pictures, I notice that I actually look more like 13 weeks pregnant and that I have put on a few pounds. YIKES!

Assignment

Ok, I need help ladies. My 2nd photo class is on Tuesday night and my first assignment is due.

The teacher wants us to bring in prints of:
1. Something white on white
2. Something black on black
3. 6 pictures of a pair of blue jeans (no props)

So, I have chosen my favorites and sent these to Costco for print. I need your help in deciding which ones to take to class, so please tell me your favorite!! And if they all stink, that's fine too :) hehe

Whites:

045

064
Blacks:

111

114

116

125

Jeans:

135

149

154

156

157

163
178
181
185

IUI #3

Went well today! We had 20 million or so sperm. The Dr. thinks we will have twins. haha I don't know why he thinks that, but he thinks I have too many eggs to conceive just 1 (if we do conceive). He said even with 4-5 eggs, I still only have a 1% chance of conceiving anything more than twins.

Also, he thinks that I have 5 eggs, not 4. He said that my cyst (which was still there last week) would have either gone away or gotten bigger by now.. it wouldn't have stayed the same size, so he said that I actually have 3 good follicles on my right and 2 good follicles on my left. That is just nuts.

I sure hope this is our lucky one! Please Lord, let us finally be parents.

Fainting

The weirdest thing happened this morning.. I fainted for the first time ever. I'm not sure why I fainted, but a few reasons could be because I only got about 4 hours of sleep, I didn't eat very much yesterday and I got up too fast.

I was having trouble falling to sleep last night so I went downstairs to sleep on the couch. I woke up this morning when I heard Jared walking around upstairs so I got up, walked upstairs, let the pugs out of their room, then went into our bedroom and bathroom where Jared was brushing his teeth.

All the sudden, I got really dizzy and lightheaded, like you do sometimes when you first get up. I leaned up against our bathroom counter to help myself balance. Jared asked me if I was ok and I said that I was really dizzy. Then I reached for my toothbrush and that's the last I remember. I woke up and I was laying on our bathroom floor and Jared was above me.

Jared said that I reached and grabbed the flashlight (which was right next to my toothbrush) and then I slowly fell forward. I hit my head on the bathroom mirror (not very hard) and that's when he came over and caught me and lowered me to the floor. HAHA Isn't that weird?? I feel fine now, but it was a very weird experience this morning.

Anyways, I had my photography class last night and it was really good. I think it will help me to learn alot more about my camera and taking good pics.

I had a family friend give me the HCG shot last night. She met me at my inlaw's house to give it to me. That was such a blessing. I was so nervous because we had to mix the drug before we could inject it. She did everything perfectly and knew exactly what she was doing. I could just imagine if Jared and I would have done it by ourselves. That would have been a sight.

IUI is tomorrow morning at 10:30! YAY!

Are you ready??

Because I am!! I can't believe I am already good to go! Ok.. here's the big news.. I have 4 FOLLICLES! 4!!!!!! I had 3 on the right and 2 on the left, but one of the ones on the right is from my cyst, so that leaves us with 4 good follicles.

QUADS??????? I sure hope not, but triplets or twins could be a real possibility. Or just a single.. or none.

So, the insemination will be on Thursday at 10:30 am. Then we will be onto another two-week-wait.

The nurse said that I looked "perfect", which means my lining is great and my follicles are all good sizes. WOOHOO!! This is the first cycle since I have been on meds where everything is "perfect". When I was on Clomid and Femara, there was always something that wasn't on track. Either my follicles looked good, but my lining was thin or my lining was good, but my follicles weren't.

I hope we have a BFP in a couple weeks!

hodgepodge

I was trying to come up with a name for this post of a few various pictures and found the word "hodgepodge" in the Thesaurus in Microsoft Word.. i thought it fit.

Me and Jen before the start of the MS150 on Saturday..

sorry so blurry, Jared was in control of this one

Jen and I went on a walk through our neighborhood with the pugs and we both love this house..

This is Chris's (Jen's hubby) new bike

Obi trying to decide what's for dinner

Well, my scan and blood work is tomorrow. This is just to give us an idea of how the Follistim is working for me. I shouldn't be ready for ovulation for a bit longer so that means I will still be doing injections for a few more nights, I imagine. We will have a better idea tomorrow. I am very interested to see how it's all goin in there as I definately have been feeling my ovaries at work. Usually when I wake up in the morning and throughout the rest of the morning is when I have been feeling it the most. Feels like when you go over a dip in the road and you get that ticklish sorta feeling. Well, that's what my tummy feels like in the ovary area for about 1/2 the day, like a full, bloated sensation.. very strange.

I will update tomorrow!!

Shot #1

Well, the first shot is done and it was easy shmeezy! 4 more to go before my next appt. I will probably need to do another dose or two after that though before I am ready for Ovulation.

Earlier tonight, Jen and I went to dinner at Jason's Deli and then went to Target. After Target, we went back up to the farm and my parents came over with my niece and nephew. I got Ted out and Ashley and I jumped on him bareback. I loved being back on Ted's back. Andrew wanted nothing to do with getting on him or even petting him. He liked looking at him though.

Ashley looks so excited here:

Another thing is Jenny has started a blog!! YAY Jen! Click here to read.

Good to go!

Well, the cyst is way down.. it was still there, but very small and won't be a problem. They drew some blood as well and as long as all my levels are "right on", I will start the Follistim injections tonight. The nurse will call me this afternoon as soon as the blood results come in. I will update when I hear!

My next appt will be next Tuesday at 9 AM and we will look at the follicles and see if I am ready for the IUI. I probably won't be quite ready, but they will be monitoring me to see if I need any adjustments in the medications, etc.

Jen went with me this morning. THANKS Jen!!!!

Edited to add: The nurse just called....My blood tests are GOOD too!!!!!!!! WOOHOO! Follistim, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY for AF!

Af is here!!! Being excited for AF to come only happens on a very rare occasion and this happens to be one of them.

My u/s is scheduled for Thursday. I should be starting shots that night. I will keep you posted of my appointment!

Table Rock Lake

Jared, me, Jen and Chris just got back earlier today from a nice little vacation at Table Rock Lake in Branson, MO. We stayed 3 nights at a really nice condo resort right on the lake. The resort was great and it even had a marina for the boys' seadoos to be docked overnight. We had a great time and took a few pics. Check them out on our picture web site in the September folder. (Just a tip: it goes faster if you click on the slideshow option)

Here are a few of my faves:

haha

I took my last birth control pill yesterday morning. I am expecting AF tomorrow, but hopefully it won't come much later, if it doesn't come tomorrow. Once AF comes, I will go in for an u/s to make sure the cyst is gone and things look good. If all is a "go", I will start taking the shots! EEK!